Okay, Okay…I know what you all might be thinking, “I hope this pro isn’t you!” But, hold on a second! Even though I am single (through my own accord!) I am very insightful when it comes to men (or I like to think so). The following are some mistakes most women do when they first meet a guy. I have been guilty of some, but, hey, you live and you learn.
1. Setting the precedent I cannot stress this enough. A friend and I were talking over the weekend and she brought this up, and I have to agree with her. Most girls don’t set the precedent on how they want to be treated in the first few weeks of dating. The start of a relationship is the best time, but it is also the most crucial. Showing a man that it is NOT okay not to call when he said he would, to be late, to call you names (HUGEEE No-No), or disrespect you in any way will nip this behavior in the butt. This is the time when you are molding him into your version of Prince Charming. He will be coming into this relationship with some bad habits, either taught by good ol’ Mom (aren’t Mommy issues fun?), or from a previous ex-girlfriend that did a bang up job on the poor guy. Either way, you’ve got him now, and you’ve got to show him how much of his bullshit you are willing to take, and how much of it he needs to leave at the door.
2. NEVER be the first to call/text/email Any man in the world will tell you this: If he likes you HE WILL CALL. Period. There’s nothing else to it. He didn’t lose your number, he’s not super busy, he didn’t get into a horrible accident rendering him paralyzed from the wrists down. He’s fine. Don’t worry. He just doesn’t wanna call you. No biggie. Move on…just move the hell on. There are too many men in the world to get fixated on the one that never called.
3. Never Sleep with him on the First Date Unless this was a booty call, and it was the sole reason you sat through dinner, coffee (morning sex? good for you), ice cream, whatever, then it’s perfectly fine. But never sleep with a man too soon just to keep him interested. By doing this you are doing the exact opposite. He got what he wanted, so why the hell should he stick around? Is there more to see? Nope…See ya! Keep it in your pants until you are sure this guy isn’t a complete and utter douche and deserves to enter your golden temple. The longer you wait the better, trust me. 😉
4. Be Assertive…Be…Be…Be Assertive! Please don’t be one of those girls who say, “I dunno, it’s whatever you want.” Men don’t like to think, and they sure as hell don’t want the spotlight on them when thinking of a place to take you! Choose a place, ANY PLACE, just choose one. Don’t ever leave it to him. If he asks, “Where would you like to go?” you then say, “Oh there’s this great place near my house I’ve been dying to try.” You take the guess-work out of planning the date, and you’ve just shown him that you know what you want and you’re not afraid to tell him. Men love it.
5. Green is not your color “Were you just looking at her? Do you think she’s hotter than me?” There is no right answer to these age-old questions, so why bother torturing the guy? Men look. Men will look when you’re around and even harder when you’re not. Accept it. I’m not saying not to act as though it doesn’t bother you, but don’t make it the farce of the century. If looking gets your panties in a bunch then simply tell him, “Hey, I know you’re going to look, but I expect a level respect when you’re with me. And when you are, I’d prefer that you didn’t look when I’m around (or at least don’t make it so damn obvious).” That’s all. Don’t harp on it, just state your case, and move on. (I like moving on don’t I?)
6. Move the conversation from text to actual phone calls Texting when you’re bored is a good way to kill time, but trying to get to know a person is hard through text messaging. You miss important cues, and highs and lows in their voice that would otherwise be lost through a text. Getting to know a person more organically can only happen in person or through the phone. Texting is for 5th graders, we’re big girls now. How do you do this? Tell him to give you a call tonight, that you are too busy to answer any texts right now. The more you enable his texting frenzy, the more it will persist, and you will never get to hear that angelic voice on the phone. This is also very important because staying at the texting level is very juvenile, and your relationship remains stagnate. It makes it doubly hard to progress into the more advanced stages of getting to know a person. Give your thumbs a break and have him call you!
7. Don’t be so available all the time I know I am not the first person to tell you that men like what they can’t have. They want you, they can’t have you whenever they want, that in turn makes them want you even more. Easy as pie! Miss a few of his phones calls, say you have plans, and don’t text him every second of the day like that needy chick he just broke up with.
8. DON’T try to alter your plans to meet him If he really likes you, he can reschedule. BUT some women have a hard time saying NO. No is your greatest weapon when you first meet a guy. Giving him everything he wants right off the bat will leave your arsenal empty, and in the end he’s got all the big guns. You have a life, and you had one before he came onto the scene. It’s important to show him that just because he’s here now, doesn’t mean that your world stops when he wants to see you. You’re living your life, he just needs to learn to keep up.
9. Talk about your Ex Do you want to be single forever? Talking about your ex with a potential is a sure-fire way into perpetual single-dom. Never bring it up, unless he does, and even when he does, just say “We had different views…” “We didn’t see eye-to-eye on most things…” or “He turned out to be gay!” and just shrug. Act like your last relationship hasn’t/doesn’t phase you. If you act like it still bothers you..HELLOOOO…this is a big red flag telling this guy that you are still not over your ex, and you two don’t stand a chance.
10. Never go out of your way for him He’s not your man (….yet–this is what we’re trying to accomplish over here so pay attention) so you don’t have to drive 25 (or more –jeez, lady! ) miles to see him, or use up a sick day because boyfriend don’t have a day job. Women lose sight of this when they first meet a guy. We try so hard in the beginning just to keep him around that we forget that it’s HIM who needs to impress US! He’s the one who needs to get his ass in his car and drive to us and take us out. We don’t have to lift a finger in the beginning. This is the time when we should be being wooed….right..?? Did men forget this? Nope. They know exactly what they are SUPPOSED to be doing, but women are so desperate to find love they will go out of their way for it. When all along, all we were supposed to be doing is sitting back and watching these guys try on different hats to impress us. We’ve made it too easy for them.
It’s time to start acting like women and let men act like men. Stop making it so easy for them! It’s bad enough we have to endure the pain of child birth, and our periods every god-awful month! This, at least this, should be hard for them!
’til next time darlings…