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So, recently I tried this booty call thing.  Sex with no strings attached.  It was amazing (the experience was…the sex was sub-par –such will be discussed further).  He was a HYT: Hot Young Thang. (JEESH!  They weren’t this hot when I was that young, it must be the water —thank you water).

My friend shed some light on my most recent encounter with my newly acquired booty call, who is younger than I, but a cutie nonetheless.

Friend: “You’re probably so hot that you scare these poor boys into soft-dick  submission with your immense, and uncontrollable sexiness.”

Me: “What?! Wouldn’t it be the opposite? Wouldn’t I just have to flick their dicks, and POOF! Instant hard on!”

Friend: “No.”

Me: “Oh.”

Friend: “You are so hot that you make them physically nervous. Women can fake being cool, and try not to show how nervous we are.  Men’s penises are always a dead give-away about how nervous they really are.  When they’re nervous, they get all floppy, and sad, and it just hangs there.”

Me: “It’s funny when you’re in the moment and you reach down their pants in an attempt to be sexy, and arouse them, and they slap your hand away, because it’s still a mushy mess down there.”

Friend: “Meanwhile, you’ve been making out for 45 min.”

Me: “Men…”

Friend: “Who says they can’t be mushy?”

Such a waste.  When a man is that hot, we really shouldn’t fantasize about mind-blowing, toe-curling, lip-biting sex that never happens in the end.  It’s usually awkward, new, and you’re still feeling each other out. Things aren’t going where they’re supposed to. He’s sweating way too damn much. Then you wake up in the morning to a hickey the size of your fist on the side of your neck. Classy touch. You really underestimated his size, the depth of your vagina, and your threshold for pain.

…Now the trouble is finding out if this is a regular occurance for my darling booty call, or if he truly was just taken aback by my beauty. (…yea, let’s see how this one goes).

Excuse me while I go ice my vagina….

Shoes Over Booze