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I have had so many different jobs, in so many different fields that I end up usually having to explain how I went from a leather boutique manager to a cell phone retail consultant to a legal assistant.  “‘Cause I’m just THAT awesome!”…is what I wish I could say, but I actually have to articulate an answer that can explain my erratic career changes.  I guess the best answer for this, (and dare I quote the Artist Formerly Known as Prince?) “Maybe I’m just like my mother, she’s never satisfied.”

Truth be told, I will never be happy working for someone else. So I jump from job to job to job (to job) thinking one will be able to fund my life long dream of becoming a world renown fashion designer better than the last(and most importantly, my OWN boss), but each one ends up falling short. All I am left with are more expensive bills, and less money I can put away.  Like Biggie said, “Mo’ money, mo’ problems…yo”.

So I have decided that working in fields that have nothing to do with what I love, which is the wonderful and magnificent world of fashion, will only bring me further away from my dream. Ultimately deter me away from my path, and only distract me. Ugh…I actually thought of going to law school.  Kudos to those who went and made it. Seriously…KUDOS!!! I just can’t.  I need a something more adventurous, exciting, and glamorous, and frankly law school ain’t goin’ to fit the bill. I am all for professional studies.  Hell! I used to be pre-med until I thought of what type of doctor I wanted to be and my answer was: “I want to be the kind of doctor that can wear cute outfits.” Clearly, ‘cute outfits’ weren’t worth going through the torture of an undergrad in pre-med and Medical School for, so I dropped my major in pre-med and took up History.  Woohoo!!! Glamorous lifestyle, here I come!!

I had no idea what I was doing. When people would ask me what I was going to do with a History major, I felt like saying, “I’m going to make a paper-mache Elephant out of it when I graduate, or go retro, and just make a paper airplane and fly it around my room all day since, of course, I won’t have a job, ’cause you can’t do shit with a History degree!”

A History Degree? You clearly had no guidance during your college years...

Everyone thought I was going to be a teacher, and if you know me, you know not to leave me near a child unattended for more than 3 minutes. I couldn’t tell them that I had no idea what I was going to do with a History degree. I have entered ‘What kind of job can I get with a History degree?‘ into my search engine so many times that Google simply just says, “Nothing…stop asking already! Should’ve stuck with pre-med, buddy.

Now, I am going to do the one thing I know I can do well, and that’s go back to school.  This time I’m going back to school for something I love, and when people hear what I am majoring in, they will know exactly what I am going to do with it. GET A JOB WITH MY MAJOR IN THE TITLE!!!! How cool would that be? Now I know how doctors, and lawyers feel. Those smug bastards with their functional professional education.

My dad came here from Egypt when he was in his 30’s and he was well past his prime, and his time to go to school here in the great US of A had passed, as well. He always made it clear to me that if I wanted to get any where in this country it was through hard work and education. So, heeding daddy’s word, I am returning to school, and getting the (right) education this time around, and getting a job I will (hopefully) be content with, and last more than two years in.

I won’t give up on my dream on owning my business and being my own boss, but I need to get the hell out of my current field and get to that of the fashion world.  I need to live, breathe, and eat fashion. I’m sure my boss will understand, and if not, she can shove it for all I care. I can’t go through life running around, checking her emails, watering her flowers, and fetching her damned apples every god damned day!

I can only be someone’s bitch for so long, and I am getting closer to reaching my bullshit threshold more and more everyday.

Give me about a year, and I’ll be outta this bitch and on my way to Prada, Louis, and Gucci. See ya lata, losers!! 

How you like them apples?!!!


Shoes Over Booze