I was working in a cell phone retailer about two years ago, when a psychic walks in. Now, I didn’t know she was a psychic when she walked in, but she told us (my co-worker and I) that she was. She read my co-worker on the spot, as if we were cynics and didn’t believe her. I, for one, completely believe in psychics, spirits, angels and all that good stuff, but I don’t believe every psycich that reads for profit is the real thing. She on the other hand, offered her services au gratis, so we gladly accepted. She told him that he would go far with his music career. I had no idea he had any interest in music, so I thought what she was saying was a bunch of bolonge, but my co-worker did not correct her, instead he stood there with a grin on his face, nodding in agreement. So I believed that she was the real thing.
I finally chimed in and naturally said what any other warm-blooded person would say when a psycich steps into the room and offers free readings: “What about me?”
She looked at me, and cocked her head to the side before chuckling loudly. “Girl! You don’t even know who you are!”
My mouth was on the floor. This was not what I was expecting to hear, but I couldn’t disagree with her, and that made me terrified, angry, upset, and confused all at the same time.
I didn’t know who I was. It was true. I had no idea what I wanted, who I wanted to be, what I liked, didn’t like. I was just there. Breathing in and out. Waking up and going to sleep. Going to work , school, and going home. I did nothing that woke me up inside, because I had no idea what that needed to be.
Soon after, the year where I would search for the things that made me me commenced, and I had my highs and my lows, but at least I was trying out what worked for me, and what didn’t. By doing this, I found out little things about myself I never knew. For instance, I found out that I’m actually spiritual more than I am religious. I can say that confidently now, because I took the time to find this out. I don’t like going out every single weekend. I know this because most times when I’m out, I’m looking at my watch and wanting to go home around 2:00 am (very unlike my friends and I). Everything I have done in this year I have been single, is for ME, and no one else. I believe it is the only way you can truly find out who you are and truly be happy.
To do this, you have to be selfish, a recluse at times, a manic depressive even, a happy go-lucky irritating schmuck, too. But you will explore different parts of your personality that will shock, bother, annoy, confuse, and even amuse your significant other. Being with someone can be hard when doing so, so I suggest doing said soul-searching when thou art single.
This time I have had to myself isn’t all bad, and I know I am building up my character and my standards for a solid relationship. A successful relationship happens when two people know what they want and each work toward those goals. Without those standards, the other is just bending and molding to fit what the other person wants, and never truly being themselves.
More on my journey soon…
Shoes Over Booze