, , , , , ,

These past 12 months have been a whirl wind of changes for me. I broke up with my boyfriend, started a new job, and started writing a blog, and most importantly…I joined a gym.

Over the course of 12 months I found that my waist line was seeing more action than I was.  All of my pants began to fit tighter, and I thought I just needed to ease up on the extra spin cycle, but I was actually gaining a significant amount of weight for the first time in my life.  It was most likely because, yes, as much as I would not like to admit it, I was getting older, and shit just slows down when you get older, like your metabolism for one. I couldn’t understand why everything was getting tighter, so I stepped on a scale and I couldn’t believe my eyes! I had gained 15 pounds in a year!  I certainly didn’t look any bigger (except for my bubble butt, and my curvacious hips –I’m actually happy about that), but the scale don’t lie, right?

Even though I didn’t look fat or anything, I didn’t feel comfortable with the number that was staring back at me.  So, I joined a gym, and I’m happy to report I have lost 6 pounds so far! And, I have abs! (Pilates is the best thing to happen to women!)

However, I can’t make any of my weird, contorted work out faces that I want to do because I can’t turn around without seeing a hot, buff hottie staring me in the face! GAWD!

There are pros to this…
  1. Eye candy: I need something to take my mind off the fact that I have another 35 minutes on the StairMaster.
  2. Breaking necks when you walk by: When they check you out it is a MAJOR ego boost. You can start to feel all that hard work you have been putting into the gym (and money) is finally paying off.
  3. It’s motivation: I have a Gym Boyfriend, and I miss him dearly when I don’t go, or when I don’t see him when on the days I do go.  It’s just something to look forward to.  I completely zone out when I watch him lift weights, and it pushes it me run faster, lunge lower, crunch harder, and just look hotter in general.
  4. It makes you want to go: Nothing is more depressing than being around a bunch of ugos who are over weight, and out of shape being all depressed all over your parade. You can hear them wheezing 3 machines down. I definitely do not want to look at a barrage of cellulite, and rolls when I’m on the elliptical. I need something tight, muscular, and sweaty to look at to keep me going.

Can’t forget the cons…
  1. You can’t date them: Sorry you just can’t.  What are you going to do when it doesn’t work out, or you don’t call them, or they don’t call you? Stop going to the gym? Why? So you can get all fat and ugly all over again and then never get asked out on another date again? Yeah, great plan! Face it. You will have to see them again. Don’t shit where your StairMaster is.
  2. Gotta look good while you feel the burn:  You can’t make any of your signature work out faces when you’re trying to impress the hottie on the treadmill. I don’t know about you, but when I’ve been doing cardio for 35 minutes, it looks like I’ve been losing the battle to hold in a fart. The constipation look doesn’t work for everyone.
  3. Competition. Fuck this bitch: You have a million other little skanks who think working out in their sports bra is acceptable. You can’t compete with sluts who work out half-naked. I don’t care how great your body is, and how you think all the hours you’ve put into Pilates is finally paying off, when a girl walks by in her skivvies, no one is looking at you hunny.  The gym is the only place you will have to compete with girls who walk about shamelessly in their under garments. At least in bars they have the decency to wear a top made out of a completely see-through material like mesh, or fishnet.

That’s all I’ve got. If you do plan on dating someone from your gym, you two better be the best gym buddies in history, or keep in mind you will have to change gyms in the near future.

Can’t wait to see my Gym Boyfriend later!!!


Shoes Over Booze