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Lately I’ve been in an interesting state of mind. I have been…dare I say it?…happy.

I don’t know what’s going on, but I have been smiling when I should be crying. Happy when I should be angry. At ease when I should be bothered. If you looked at the current condition of my life, you would be checking me into Bellevue.  I know my life isn’t the greatest right now, but complaining about it isn’t going to help matters. So I’ve accepted how things are, I am actually grateful for the way things are going in my life. I thank God that I have a psychopath for a boss. I thank God that I, more often than not, never have enough money (I’ve learned to stretch a dollar, but I think the real lesson here, is to stop spending and start saving!) I thank God EVERYDAY for the wonderful friends I have in my life. The wonderful family I have. The clothes on my back. I thank God that I have ambitions and goals, and even though I might get a little discouraged at times, I know like I know like I know, that I will make it. The list can go on and on to even include my cell phone. I am thankful for everything in my life just as it is, right now.

The last few times my best girlfriend would come over, I would be overjoyed with some good news to tell her. I would be bursting at the seams, not able to contain my excitement of my good news. But when I open my mouth to tell her of said news, nothing comes out! I have no good news to tell her! My circumstances have not changed. My boss is still 75 kinds of crazy. I spend every dime I save. I still live at home. No boyfriend. What the hell am I so happy about?!

I think I’ve finally stopped fighting my life. I’ve accepted it. So far, not much has shifted, but the beautiful thing here is that I don’t expect anything to. I am happy with the way things are. I am exactly where I need to be. I don’t stress the petty things that would have ruined my day before. My days are easy as pie now.

I remember telling my friend, though, that I feel like something really great is going to happen soon. Something big is on the horizon. I can see a glimpse of it, and I feel so close, yet so far from it. Maybe that’s where the butterflies in my stomach are coming from. Maybe I am just falling in love with life right now. Or maybe something good is going to happen. But even if it doesn’t, my happiness is not attached to what might come, or what might be. My happiness comes from within, and I’m beaming. Everything could be falling apart around me (and if you saw the current condition of my life right now you would think that they were), but I am not attached to the things around me. I am the one who makes me happy, and I won’t let myself fall.

I am just excited to see what life has in store for me. I can’t wait to see what this attitude of gratitude can do for me, as well.

Will keep you posted, lovers!

Shoes Over Booze