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Being unemployed takes not only a fiscal toll on you, but it also takes an enormous emotional toll on you, as well.  I was in one of my moods (again) thinking all hope was lost, and I will probably never find a job.  Soon enough it’ll be 3 months since I left my pathetic excuse for a job, and like many Americans, became unemployed. I didn’t expect it to last this long, so the faith I have that I will ever find something is really starting to wane.  I’m doing everything I can possibly do.  At the end of the day I’m left waiting on someone’s answer, or someone’s evaluation of me.  It’s nerve-wracking, and exhausting. I’m very close on giving up on the job search all together, and just becoming a recluse, or something.

But looking around my room, I had a revelation: my room was a god damn mess! Well, not only that, but it was a direct reflection on my life.  Clothes strewn everywhere.  Laundry not put away.  My closet was in utter disorganization. My bed wasn’t made. It was like a shit storm hit my room. How could I ever get my life in order if keeping something as simple and miniscule as my room clean and organized seem to elude me. So I got off my sad ass, and started to clean house.  I threw out clothes I didn’t wear anymore. I put away summer clothes (I know, I’m a little late on this, but no time like the present, right?), put my laundry away, picked up all my dirty clothes off the floor, and organized my closet. It looked a whole lot better than the disaster it was before, and even better than the fact that I was able to see the floor of my room again, but I was able to get my thoughts together finally. I could think clearly.  I didn’t have the clutter of my room cluttering my mind.  I spent most of my time in my room. Since my room was my sanctuary, it’s only fitting that it be livable. Trying to move forward and plan my next move in a room I could barely move in was a recipe for disaster.

My room is now in order, and so are my thoughts. I finally realized that I’m not finding a job because it’s not what I really want.  Of course I want to work, but deep down inside I know I don’t want to work for someone else again. I’m putting this energy out to the universe, and what I’m getting back is obvious. You’re not going to get an office job, where you deal with the drudgery of a 9-5 and a boss breathing down your neck. What I am putting out there was this want and need to be my own boss for a change. I want my own successful women’s clothing line. I want to be a business woman. I want to be a boss!

Now that I know what I want, and I obviously have the time now, I am going to focus on that goal.  The universe is an amazing thing. Even though I don’t have the money to start my own business I know that if I want this bad enough, the Universe will find a way to make it happen for me.

I feel so happy now that I’m finally being true to what I want in my own life. It’s a really refreshing feeling to be true to what makes you happy, and what brings you joy in life. I don’t have to do things the way other people think I should do them. I want to design beautiful clothes for a living, why should I do anything else? Doing anything else will only take away from my happiness. I don’t have to work for anyone else, and if I stick to what my main goal is, I might never have to.

Well, I guess we’ll see what happens.  Have you ever wanted something so bad, that you would do anything to have it?