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I’ve been out of the blog-o-sphere for a little while. It’s either I had nothing to write about, or I didn’t know what to write about first!

I would have bouts of craziness, where I didn’t have time to sit and relax for a moment, and then there were times when I was glued to the TV, munching away on potato chips, lounging in my pjs all day.

Work has been crazy busy, but in a good way. I really like where I’m at now. It is the complete opposite of where I used to work.  I thought it was normal to be that miserable because of your job. Come to find out, it’s not! You’re not supposed to hate your very existence, and hope you get hit by a bus the next day (I literally wished for this for months). People you work with should not make you feel this way. Those “people” should be ashamed of themselves for how they treated me and every other subsequent person.

They’re nasty, clique-y, class-less, distasteful, and borderline sociopaths. However, I wish them the best (*ahem* sorry, I had to choke back my vomit) because my mama raised me right. I can’t say the same for those animals.

My life now is so much different than what it was 12 months ago. I am blessed to have found a job that I love, and don’t dread coming in every morning. I’m praised for the work that I do, instead of condemned for every tiny mistake. My friends and family are always there for me.

Life is good.

Except one area of my life. The one area I could never get quite right. My crazy, never making any sense, making me angrier than hell, love life.

I’m not gonna lie, I was hung up on one guy. My friend was tired of seeing me mope around, and nudged me to text him. I did, and so far all has been well. We’ve talked everyday since. And even though I didn’t wish him a Happy Birthday (I Am Not An Asshole), he wished me well on mine.  I really was not expecting it at all.

All my friends kept asking me all day, “Did he wish you a Happy Birthday??” Gosh!!! I’m trying to put that out of my mind!! I didn’t want to think about it and get my hopes up.

Last time we hung out, and were able to really talk he told me he was pretty upset that I didn’t wish him a Happy Birthday.  God!!!! I felt like such an asshole!!!!! You should have seen his face!! It was like I killed his dog.

I can be a real bitch sometimes. I grew up with 3 sisters so it was always who’s bark was bigger. I was the quiet one, but as mommy always said, “You gotta be scared of the quiet ones.” And she was right. I was the sneakiest, bitchiest, don’t-you-dare-cross-me bitch in the house. My sisters, and subsequently my ex-friends knew not to fuck with me. I do feel bad for the guy who breaks my heart. I hate to admit it, but I’m not nice on a regular day, you can imagine what kind of shit storm would erupt if he hurt my poor little feelings.

That’s what he did. He hurt my damn feelings.  I felt rejected, sad, confused, and angry all at the same time. I hated the way I was feeling so if I could make him feel just an inkling of what I was feeling, I was going to do it. In hindsight, going tit for tat was probably not the best route. It leaves too much baggage in the wake of the aftermath. At first, it was weird hanging out with him again. I felt like he was holding something over my head. As if I was the one who hurt him! Maybe I did in some weird covert way, but with the birthday thing aside, I couldn’t think of what I did.

Everything came out on Saturday. I called him an asshole, he called me weird. I’m sure he wanted to call me other things, but he stopped at weird. I told him he was an asshole for how he just stopped talking to me. I really liked him, and it was shitty of him to just cut me off out of nowhere.

Here’s the kicker guys….

He thought he wasn’t holding my interest, and that he was bothering me, so he simply stopped talking to me.

WHAT THE FUCK??

God, boys are retarded.

I told him that was ridiculous, because I really liked him, and I really liked talking to him. He smiled when I said that, and he told me he felt the same.

Phew…

He also told me that he would talk to me everyday. With the exception of two or three days, he’s actually kept his word. AND he wants to take me out for my birthday (better late than never, right?)

I am taking a chance on this guy. He makes me feel a certain way. I love spending time with him, and talking to him. I’ve never felt this way about any guy. We may already be having our ups and our downs, but I don’t care. I want to know what could be with him, because when I am on a date with someone else, I’m wishing it was him. I might as well just date him.

I may be putting myself on the line here big time, but I don’t care anymore. I’m tired of playing it safe all the time. It gets me nowhere. Sure, I don’t get hurt, but my life is empty without love.

I’ll be seeing him tonight 🙂 .  Gotta get an outfit together!

xoxo
ShoesOverBooze
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