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If you’ve been in the dating pool for as long as I have, then you’ve probably heard it all.  And you’re friggin’ sick of it. 

We’re not social pariahs, we’re just single–get over it. People automatically assume there is something wrong with you. How about we chalk it up to that’s the way life is sometimes?! Sometimes you’re in a relationship and sometimes you’re not. Big deal. Get your shit together and move on with your life. No one has ever died from being single. So chill out people!

But what we can’t stand more than actually being single is the dumb shit people say to try to categorize us so WE can make sense to THEM.

1. But you’re so pretty– Am I, really? Great, this whole time I thought I looked like a gargoyle and just blamed it on that. Now you tell me I’m pretty??? This is worse than I thought…

I know you people in relationships actually mean well when you say this, but it has the adverse effect.  It makes us feel worse for some reason. Yes, I’m pretty, but I STILL can’t find a man? Ouch, felt that one right in my chest. It just makes us feel like our problems go much deeper than outer appearances go, and we don’t want to get into it right now. Another margarita please!

2. You’re too picky -You’re right. That guy with one tooth, a receding hairline, and horrible halitosis should have sufficed.  Who am I to think that I can get better?

Don’t ever let anyone tell you you’re too picky.  You simply know your worth and you know you’re worth a whole lot more than the first guy that shows you the slightest bit of attention. You shouldn’t waste time on people you know you have no future with. Go ahead, be picky! You deserve the best.

3. You’re not trying hard enough – Excuse me? If I tried any harder, I would be on a stripper pole. Don’t even.

4. You’re looking in all the wrong places -I knew when I ended up in Narnia I was definitely not going to find anyone there. What a waste of a perfectly good outfit…sigh.

5. It’ll happen when you least expect it – What does this even mean?? Of course I’ll always expect it, if I didn’t I would be a cynical downer all the time who stopped believing in love. Don’t ever give up on the fact that you’re guy/gal is out there, and it’s only a matter of time before you find him/her. Never stop looking.

6. I wish I was single. – Okay, so be single. WTF?

7. You’re lucky, you can do whatever you want – So can you, dummy! No one owns you! ::massive eye roll::

8. You can have sex with whoever you want. -Yup, me and all my STDs are all comfy and cozy here. I’m single, not a whore. Chill out, bitch.

9. You need to get out there more -I will literally choke the next person that says this.

…And the grand daddy

of them all:

10. Why are you still single? ARGH!!!!! No, scratch that last statement, I will choke the next person who says THIS! There is literally no right answer. I’m single because….. the next thing to come out of your mouth will never sound as good as it sounds in your head. NOTHING will make sense, and nothing will make you look good. You’re single. End of story. Why does there have to be an explanation? ‘Cause I’m ugly. I smell. I hate people. I like cats too much. I smell like cats.  See, no right answer.

Just remember that you are awesome and you don’t need to be in a relationship to validate that. Commend yourself on being alone and STILL knowing what an amazing person you are without needing someone to constantly remind you of that everyday. Awesome people just know they’re awesome. We don’t need reminders. Thanks, but no thanks.

‘Til next time darlings,
Shoes Over Booze