Girl talk can be inspiring sometimes. Most times it’s meaningless drivel about what this one wore, or how horrible a day one of us might have had, or just talking about how stupid boys are.
But every once in a while you and your girlfriends share an epiphany, an awe-inspiring moment, a thought so great it must be shared on your blog.
We were in my car waiting for her step-dad to drop her house keys off. These are my friends, so care-free they leave their house with no keys, no wallet, and nary a care in the world. We got into talking about boys, and what my dating style is like. I came clean. I told her I know my dating style should serve as a warning to all the girls out there. They should write a book about it, and title it: “DON’T DO THIS WHEN DATING: DO THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT THIS GIRL DOES”. It would save a lot of girls a lot of time.
I believe I put them on a pedestal. I ignore every red flag thrown in my face, and wonder why I end up hurt later on. But she did give me incredible advice.
“You need to start acting like you’re a million dollar company, and you’re interviewing these guys to work for you. Think about it…do you really want “Tom”(guy I’ve been seeing) to work for you?”
My mouth dropped. I never looked at it that way. Hell no I do not want Tom to work for me. He’s inconsistent, unreliable, and kind of sketchy if you ask me. Quite honestly, I’m not even sure he’ll make it past the 3 month probation period.
“Ask them questions! Get to know them on a more personal level. Like ‘what’s your plan for the next 5 years’ ’10 years’ even! Ask them what they think about relationships…are they looking for one, and if so, what sort of relationship are they looking for? You’ve got to dig deeper. You’ve got to find out if they can “work” for you.”
I could have kicked myself at this very moment! I definitely wanted to know these things, whyyyyyy oh why was I not asking these questions?? Why was I just playing the complacent, go-with-the-flow girl that wanted to act all nonchalant. Forget that noise. You get nonchalant when I know you can hang…and by hang I mean when I know you can handle a serious, grown up, big boy relationship.
I’ve been going about this all wrong. This whole time I’m thinking I could win them over with my charm. But I didn’t need to do any of that. It was the guy who needed to worry if he was worth my time, he’s the one who needed to impress me, and worry about moving on to a second date, a.k.a the second interview.
Dating should be like the job interview process. We need to go in with our heads first, and then when everything checks out, let our hearts fall hopelessly in love. I know you free-birds out there may be shaking your heads thinking, love is love and when I’m in love rules go flying out the window. That’s fine. But let me ask you: how many times has that school of thought broken your heart?
Alright ladies, time to get down to business. Here are some tips to treat yourself as the most coveted company every man will want to work for.
You as the Million Dollar Company Idea
1. Ask the serious questions upfront. Do not wait until the second or third date. Obviously wait till at least your apps come out, and you’re both down to your second glasses of wine. Ask him where he sees himself in 5….10…15 years. Does he want a relationship? What kind of relationship? What’s his relationship like with his parents/siblings? Is he a hardworker? This will tell you what kind of man he will be when he’s with you.
2. Do a background check. These days every one is online, whether it’s Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. Maybe he has a blog! You can learn a lot from what a person chooses to share online. Maybe he has too many selfies. Too many party pics with random girls (that seriously do not show up again in any other photos–where do those poor girls go??) Shares one too many inspirational quotes for your taste. Check out how they choose to represent themselves online, and ask yourself if you want this person representing your company/brand/relationship/you.
3. Let him know what the job will entail. State your standards. You can let him know what you expect on the first date if you’re comfortable enough and you see some potential in him. In any job interview, the interviewer will tell you what the scope of the job will be, and as they’re reading off the list, you’re asking yourself if this is a job you want/capable of. The same goes for guys. When you state your standards, guys are thinking if a relationship with you is something he can handle/want to pursue. Let him know upfront what a relationship with you will be like:Do you want him to call you everyday? Daily texts? Or maybe you’re a phone gal who just doesn’t like texting all day. How often do you want to see him? If you have kids, how involved do you want him to be? Do you expect consistency in communications? Reliability? Honesty? What is important to you in a relationship? If you don’t know, look back at some of the failed relationships you’ve had–look at why it didn’t work. Did he not call you enough? Not make enough time for you? Did the bastard cheat? List the opposite of all the things that make you tick.
4. The Second Interview. At this point you should have enough information to invite him to the coveted second interview/second date. It’s better to let him know upfront what you are looking for. Why waste your precious time? There’s no reason to start investing feelings when you’re not even sure if he’ll stick around for more than a month.
Dating can be a drag some times. Believe me, I know. But if you go in with a game plan you won’t be wasting any time weeding out the ones not fit for the job, and spending more time on the ones that are totally worth it!
“You are the million dollar company. Are you going to hire just anyone?”
-My good friend, Sasha
Shoes Over Booze