“Why bother?” That’s what this bun sitting atop my head screams out to the world. It is a broadcast of how much I’d rather spend the day in bed wallowing in self pity. I hate my job with such a firey passion that I fear that one day soon, I will explode into an all out cussing spectable on these insensitive whores I am forced to spend 40 hours a week with.
I do not come to work to be talked down to, or debased. I do not come to work to have my work scrutinized, and laughed at. I do not come to work to feel miserable. I am sorry, but I simply do not get paid enough for that.
I have to drag myself out of bed in the morning, and I try to stay positive throughout the day but I know “What you resist, persists”. But I just can’t keep my head up anymore. It gets increasingly hard when you are beaten down further and further into the ground by the same people, who are obviously missing a sensitivity chip.
Don’t get me wrong. I do not break down and cry at the first petty comment. I have a tough exterior, but when it is chipped away at constantly, you are going to get to my mushy marshmallow center, and hit a nerve. I can only stay strong for so long. I can only let your snide comments roll off my shoulders for so long. The day will come when I will look at the situation and think,”Something isn’t right here.” I shouldn’t be talked down to like a second-rate employee. I have the same title as you (with more education, but I’m sure you got pretty far with your High School Diploma).
Nothing is going my way. Work, sucks. Money, what money? Love life? [chuckles] Stop, I’m trying to be serious over here. I thought I would be happy in this new job, but it has opened up a Pandora’s box of miserable for me.
I thank the gods and goddesses every day that I have my sisters and my wonderful friends. Without them I probably would have taken a walk into oncoming traffic by now. I envy those in body casts that don’t have to go to work for 6 months to a year. (That’s probably not a good sign, right?)
Co-worker (who is my age and has to deal with the same bullshit): I need a new job.
Me: I’m already applying for jobs. Way ahead of you.
I don’t know what else to do short of going numb when I go into work, and swallowing my pride for the sake of a paycheck.
If I stay here, I will turn into a miserable, insensitive person who goes around saying petty, snide comments to people killing them inside a little bit each time. I cannot turn into these women! There is something seriously wrong with these women! I have never dealt with such disrespectful, rude, nasty people ever. But this is what I chose, and I guess I’m just going to have to deal.