We’ve all been there, whether we are the dumpees or the dumpers, at one point in our lives we will all find ourselves eating dinner for one. Single. Some think it’s a four letter word. Some take it as a breath of fresh air. However, some of us, at one point or another, have been guilty of BSB: Bad Single Behavior.
Bad Single Behavior can be written off as a low point in your life, a chapter in your book you aren’t proud of sharing, but do it anyway. This Bad Single Behavior not only takes a toll on your love life, but on your other relationships, as well. Misery may love company, but people sure as hell don’t like Misery. It’s like Happiness and Joy’s retarded, misshapen child that was shunned to live in the attic.
You are guilty of Bad Single Behavior if you have ever taken part in any of these acts:
- Complaining about being single. Shut up, please. We all know how hard it is being single, we don’t need your incessant ranting about how sad it is that you had to go see Project X all alone–you could’ve just waited till it came out on DVD. Complaining doesn’t make it any better, so please save your breath for your weekly Single’s Anonymous Meeting where people actually give a shit.
- Not shaving your legs. This only makes matters worse. You are not helping the situation by making yourself even less desirable than when you weren’t single. Wax, shave, Nair it off–I don’t care–just please! shave for Christ’s sake.
- Going to Gay Bars. If you are not gay, or in a committed relationship, you have no business in these bars. This is counter-productive, and is definitely not helping the cause. I don’t know if it’s possible but you might actually become MORE single by going to a gay bar while single and straight.
- Being the Third Wheel. Where is this getting you? You look pathetic in the eyes of your coupled friends. No one wants some Sad Sally bringing them down on their romantic date. And did I mention its awkward?! What the hell are you gonna talk about when all your coupled friends can talk about “We this…” and “We that…”– Oh Fuck off. This will only remind you of how much you would rather be in a relationship than crashing someone else’s date.
- Letting yourself go. “Well I have no one to get dressed up for :(.” Uhhh..yes you do! Yourself! Again, this is counter-productive. You can not be walking around looking like a hot mess, and expect someone to see you for your “inner beauty”. We live a superficial world, and that means throwing on blush, wax that mustache, and doing your damn hair. Seriously, do your damn hair.
- Dating just ANYONE. Don’t settle for the first Joe Schmoe that walks through your door. It’s great that you’re dating, but you’ve gotta be picky. Have a criteria. Know what you’re looking for. The less picky you are, the more dating disasters you’ll have. Even though it makes for a good story later, you don’t want to date pricks and losers.
- Drunk Dialing. This should actually be #1, as the worst offense, but I just thought of it. NEVER, under any circumstance, EVER drunk dial your ex, or some guy you may have just met. If you feel that are you especially prone to this behavior, delete their numbers. Right now. Nothing makes you look or feel more pathetic than sitting there dialing numbers (I know you’ve got them memorized). The time between the first number and hitting send will give you enough time to think about how desperate calling him/her really is. Step away from the phone, and slowly walk away.
These are just some tips to be a pleasant single person your friends will want to be around. Don’t be a downer, Jeez!