Sorry Darlings, it has been a very long time since my last post.
I have been extremely busy with work, networking, studying, and stressing over a romantic relationship that bore no fruit (I am totally inside my own head way too much).
I’ve lost my drive at work. After having a tough year, and sincerely thinking my work could speak for itself and I wouldn’t have to literally ask for a decent raise, I was sorely mistaken. I’m not sure if this is just me, but I tie my value, and self-worth with the money I make. I know this is superficial, and wrong on so many levels, because self-worth comes from within. It’s just hard to accept that I was only “worth” so much. After seriously thinking of quitting on MULTIPLE occasions, and going back to being a full-time smoker (and getting terrible bronchitis/whatever the hell it was, thusly). I worked myself sick, literally. I ignored the gym, started smoking again, ate like shit, and sat on the couch all day long because I could not deal with using up brain power to do anything productive.
I gained some weight, but later shed it all off due to stress and anxiety (the best diet-not). I’m still trying to release the tension, and trying not to over think certain situations (seriously, if you guys know any good ways to release stress –please let me know!!)
I just can’t see myself continuing to do what I did last year, and working for the same high-strung, demanding, self-centered people for another 12 months. The thought alone makes my stomach turn.
I felt cheated. Mostly, I felt used. It’s a terrible feeling. There’s no respect or loyalty I feel I need to pay to a company like this any longer. They’d rather keep me stifled where I am instead of letting me grow with the company because they’re afraid no one else can handle my boss quite like I can. Why stick around if there is no hope of evolving? Just so I can stick around for another shit raise?
I am probably coming off as a spoiled brat, but my job isn’t a walk in the park. I am the executive assistant to a high-strung, NEEDY executive. He calls me at least 20 times a day. 1 out of those 20 calls turns into actual work for me.
Every time my boss calls I cringe. I know it’s some asinine request or a complaint about how I did something wrong (not that it was wrong…it is simply to criticize). I don’t see the method to his madness. I’m not any better for it. In fact, my resentment towards him has grown tenfold, each and every time.
At least once a week, a co-worker will tell me, “I don’t know how you do it.”
I don’t know how I do it either. I sincerely, and wholeheartedly do not know how I have not jammed a pen in my throat, yet. Last year was a tough year. My boss and I butt heads a lot, but I managed to pull through and received a glowing end-of-year review–which I definitely was not expecting paired with, you guessed it, a shit raise.
Now, now…I have never been akin to just complaining about something and sitting on my ass doing nothing about it. I have been working on getting my real estate license and keeping that super low key. I’ve been going to networking events and joining groups and really getting out there and making connections. I am B-U-S-Y. As I write this, my hair is pulled into a ponytail because I haven’t washed it in a week. Yup, that kind of busy.
Maybe work is getting to me now, because it’s not challenging. It’s a lot of work, sure, but hard? No. My boss will call me a thousand times for things that he can easily do himself. Like delete an email. Updating a contact. Why contact information is wrong. Or questions regarding why said contact’s information was wrong. I don’t have time to answer your wildly theoretical questions with ‘maybes’ and ‘what-ifs’. My brain isn’t set up like that. I don’t care for the details. I just want to get to the point and solve the problem. Once it’s fixed, I don’t worry about why it broke in the first place. I’ll fix it, and move on with my life, does there really need to be a discussion about it?
I think I wouldn’t mind my boss being so annoying and needy if the work was challenging. I don’t see the point in being so crazed and high-strung about this type of work. We’re not out saving lives. No one will die if you overlook an email. Relax. Seriously.
But it may be time to move on. I’ve gotten all that I can out of this job, and I don’t see myself moving up or down or laterally. If I can’t move up, then it’s time to move out. You shouldn’t hit a career plateau in your 20s. You should be climbing the corporate ladder, and I’ve been stuck on this run for far too long.
I am looking…and have been keeping my ear to the ground. I will keep you posted!
Shoes Over Booze